Disclaimer, Context & The Truth
Before you run another analysis, share a result, or lose sleep over a number — read this. It matters.
This is a joke. A very elaborate one.
MyGirlfriendMileage™ is a satirical, humorous project created purely for entertainment purposes. It is a social experiment designed to make people laugh, spark conversation, and explore how we talk about relationships, social behaviour, and cultural stereotypes — not to provide any factual, scientific, or personal information about any individual.
The name, the branding, the "AI-powered" framing, the fake accuracy statistics, and the "diagnostic report" format are all part of the joke. There is no real artificial intelligence at work here. There is no database. There is no secret algorithm trained on real data. There is a bunch of made-up multipliers and a counter that glitches for comedic effect.
About the scoring model
The scoring algorithm used in this tool is based on a set of entirely fictional assumptions. While it references real statistical concepts — such as age-bracket activity rates, actuarial modelling, and behavioural multipliers — none of these figures are derived from peer-reviewed research, clinical studies, or verified datasets about any real population.
The base rates (2.0 partners/year for ages 16–29, 1.2 for ages 30–44, 0.6 for ages 45+), the marriage reduction factor (×0.25), the divorce resumption logic, and all risk-factor multipliers were invented for comedic effect. They are designed to produce numbers that feel plausible enough to be funny — not numbers that are accurate, meaningful, or representative of any real person.
The penis size data used in the "Total Distance Traveled" metric is sourced from publicly available aggregated studies, but its application here — multiplied by estimated partner counts and thrust rates — is, to be absolutely clear, completely absurd and not a serious measurement of anything.
The fundamental truth: nobody knows
The most important thing to understand about this tool — and about the topic it satirises — is this: no one knows the number of sexual partners another person has had. Not an algorithm. Not an AI. Not a quiz. Not a friend. Not even the person themselves, in many cases.
Sexual history is private, personal, and irrelevant to a person's worth, character, or suitability as a partner. The premise of this tool is deliberately absurd precisely because the idea that you could calculate such a thing from someone's age, country, and study field is ridiculous. That is the joke.
If you find yourself genuinely trying to use this tool to evaluate a real person in your life, please step back. The result is fictional. The person is real.
A study in how we think
Beyond the laughs, MyGirlfriendMileage™ is also a small social experiment. It explores how people respond to data-driven framing applied to deeply personal and culturally loaded topics. The fact that wrapping a silly question in a "diagnostic interface" with progress bars and fake confidence percentages makes it feel more authoritative — that is the real observation.
We are wired to trust things that look scientific. A number on a screen feels more real than a guess. A percentage feels more credible than an opinion. This tool deliberately exploits that tendency and then pulls the curtain back with a disclaimer that says: it was all made up.
Consider this a gentle reminder to apply the same scepticism to other tools, platforms, and "AI-powered" products that claim to know things about people that cannot actually be known.
No guarantees. No liability. Be kind.
MyGirlfriendMileage™ makes no representations or warranties of any kind, express or implied, about the accuracy, completeness, or suitability of any result produced by this tool. All outputs are fictional and generated for entertainment purposes only.
This tool is not intended to be used to harass, shame, or make judgements about any real person. Results should not be shared without the consent of the person being "analysed," and should never be used to make real-life relationship decisions. The creators of this tool accept no responsibility for any relationship drama, arguments, breakups, or existential crises caused by sharing a result.
The tool does not collect, store, or transmit any personal data. All inputs are processed locally in your browser and are never sent to any server.
Please be kind
Humour about relationships and sexuality has a long history — from stand-up comedy to literature to internet memes. The line between funny and harmful is real, and it depends entirely on how something is used.
This tool was built to be funny, to make people think, and to gently poke fun at the very human tendency to want to quantify the unquantifiable. It was not built to be a weapon.
If you're using this to have a laugh with friends — great. If you're using it to genuinely judge or demean someone — please don't. The number is made up. The person is not.
Be kind. Touch grass. And maybe just ask her directly.
The number is made up. The algorithm is fictional. Nobody knows. It's a funny project and a social experiment. Please be kind.